


If Only Real Life Was Like A Great Love Story

by KillianJones32



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Canon Compliant, Depressing Thoughts, Insecure Even, M/M, episode 3x05 coda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-17 06:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9309287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillianJones32/pseuds/KillianJones32
Summary: Isak is better without mentally ill people in his life. That’s what he said, Even knows that.But all Even can hear is that Isak’s life is better withouthimin his life.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place a few hours after the locker room scene. Even reflects on what Isak said about his mum and tries to decide what he should do.

_“I’ve decided my life would be better without mentally ill people around me”_

It’s been three hours since Even heard those words but his heart still aches at the thought of them.

He should have known better.

He should never have let himself stare at the beautiful second year boy with the blond curls that first day of school. He never should have followed him into that bathroom and later smoked a joint with him. He shouldn’t have agreed to buy that precious boy beer, only to pretend to forget his ID in an attempt to spend more time with him.

And he certainly never should have kissed him… but God Even just can’t bring himself to regret any of it, even now.

Because every moment he had spent with Isak just felt so good, so perfect…and just so right.

Even felt no pressure with Isak, Isak didn’t expect anything of him, he didn’t treat him like a delicate porcelain doll that could break at any second. Isak treated him like any other human being and he looked at him as if he was worth something and Even’s not sure how but that made him feel more loved than he’s ever felt in his entire life.

But now karma’s kicking in.

This is the karma for cheating on Sonja, for not telling Isak about his disorder, for falling for someone so beautiful and pure yet so unattainable that it kills him.

Because Isak is better without mentally ill people in his life. That’s what he said, Even knows that.

But all Even can hear is that Isak’s life is better without _him_ in his life.

Isak is better off without him. He’s safer, he’s better; he’s happier and not worrying about his mentally ill or _crazy_ boyfriend who could ruin things at any second.

Even brings his knees up to his chest and throws his head back against the wall. The small sensible voice in the back of his mind tells him he should stand up from the floor of bedroom and move somewhere more comfortable but his body won’t cooperate.

There’s a ding from the inside of his pocket and Even’s fingers instantly go to retrieve his phone, desperately hoping that the message will be from Isak.

He knows it’s unlikely, but one saying _‘hey you remember what I said earlier? About being better without mentally ill people in my life? Well I don’t think that’s strictly true because they aren’t so bad and I didn’t mean it’_ would be pretty great right now.

The message isn’t from Isak Even realises with a shaky sigh; it’s just another message from Sonja.

Sonja who has practically been texting him nonstop since they decided to take a break yesterday.

_‘Even, can’t we talk about this?’_

_‘I know you want us to take a break but I don’t think that’s the best option here.’_

_‘It’s normal to like other people alright? It doesn’t mean we should just throw 4 years of our relationship away!’_

_‘It’s just a phase Even. Like all the other phases from the past few years alright? You’ll get over it in a month or two. You’ll get over him.’_

Even shut his phone off and returned to staring at the ceiling through glassy eyes.

If only Sonja were right. If only he could get over Isak.

But from the way his heart feels like it’s ripping out of his chest when he thinks about what Isak said, he knows that he can’t.

Then he remembers how sincere Isak had sounded in the locker room when he spoke of his mum. How Isak had put it so simply that he hasn’t spoken to her since he moved out. How easily the word crazy rolled off his tongue.

He remembers how Isak’s words hit him like a truck and it took everything in him to keep his expression passive and not to break down on the spot or worse tell Isak everything.

Even squeezes his eyes shut and forces himself to remember all the nights Sonja spent trying to calm him down, the years of loud, screeching arguments with his parents who didn’t know what was wrong with him and the countless days he spent lying in bed, under the covers, desperately trying to get away from the world.

Isak doesn’t deserve to go through that.

Isak deserves someone who makes normal cheese toasties and who doesn’t try to learn the Quran in Arabic for months just because that’s what the overexcited part of his brain thinks would be a great idea. Isak deserves someone normal, someone who can make his life better; someone who can make him happy.

Even vividly recalls the hint of sadness in Isak’s captivating blue eyes when he spoke of his mother and he just knows that if Isak knew the truth…Even would no longer make him happy.

Even rubs his hands over his eyes and cringes at the tears that subsequently appear on his fingers. His mind is getting too fuzzy, his thoughts too loud. All he really wants to do is take a nap and sleep forever and dream of him and Isak living happily ever after like all the other great love stories.

If only real life was like a great love story.

It takes all of Even’s strength to get up from the floor and go to take a shower before he sleeps for a bit. He stands under the water for longer than necessary, just letting the water collide against his face until it’s all he can feel and until the loud hum of the shower is louder than the voices in his head.

It’s twenty minutes later by the time he gets out, dries himself off, changes into loose sweatpants and an old t-shirt and climbs into his bed.

He turns his phone back on to see if his mum (or Isak) texted only to see yet another message from Sonja.

He wants to ignore it but seeing as he’s been the one in the wrong for the past few months, this is probably the least he can do.

_‘I know we’re still on a break and I’m sorry for annoying you but are we still going to Emma’s party together? She’ll ask if you’re not there and…I don’t know if you want to tell people we’re broken up or…just let me know.’_

Even stares blankly at the screen for exactly two minutes and fifty seconds then he types the words he really doesn’t want to say, sends them and shuts his phone off again before he can take it back.

_‘yeah we can still go together and…you don’t need to tell people we’ve broken up’_

Guilt and something longing and intense twists in his stomach; he throws his phone on the bedside table, cringing at the harsh sound it makes and curls himself deeper into the bed.

Even takes in a deep breath and pulls the covers up over his head before letting himself be consumed by the quiet darkness surrounding him.

_‘This is for the best’_ he repeats to himself.

In the long run…this will make Isak happy. Staying away from Isak will make him happy…it will make his life better.

And if Even has to sacrifice his happiness for a little while for Isak then it’s most definitely worth it.


End file.
